Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
