Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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