Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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