please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
