Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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