i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
