So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize