Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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