new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize