Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
