I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
