; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I died a long time ago.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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