Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
