I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
