they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
