I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
