Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
