Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
