sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize