At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
