I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
