i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
