i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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