I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
