; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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