Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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