so explain again why im purple
no
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
