i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
