you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
