We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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