after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
