I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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