so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
