I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
