I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
