____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
