i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
