For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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