U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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