I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
