my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
