first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
