I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
