ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
