I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
