I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
