i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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