I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
