I hate your face
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
