I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Still dying that you shit outside
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize