I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize