is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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