Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
