perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
