No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We're using joints as your birthday candles
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
