who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
