We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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