I can tuck mytits in my pants
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
