I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
