Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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