I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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