Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
