I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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