Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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