My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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