Three words: puerto rican gang bang
wanna go halves on a baby?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
