i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
